I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
