I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
