I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
