Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
