I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
