OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
