Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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