I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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