the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
