She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
