I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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