I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
