I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
