Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize