Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
