My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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