Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
