found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
