did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
