the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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