Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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