Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize