dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
