yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
