so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
