On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
