i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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