jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i came on her dog
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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