Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
