i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Who did Billy Mays play for?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
