i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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