I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i think my cat just said my name.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
