It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Let's get the cat blown out
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
that may or may not have been my penis.
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