Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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