Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
