high people should be assigned attendants
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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