I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
