I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize