I met the friendliest cop last night
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
