well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
