she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
