What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
