there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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