just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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