I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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