Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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