anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
