I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
