You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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