no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
