why didn't you poke me back
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
