Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
