i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
3 2 1 whiskey
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
