If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
