HIV tests are more positive than that guy
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
