dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
