i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize