Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
