I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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