Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my sisters under your porch take her home
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
