Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
