I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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