JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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