i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize