I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think my moral compass just broke
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
