Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
