i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
