Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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