I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
