Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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