i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
pop tarts are not kleenex
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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