just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
