The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
