Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just blew my weed a kiss
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
