So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
