Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
