The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
