Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
