nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
