So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize