I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
