i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Drake has all the answers
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
