This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
