a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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